This is the blog I wanted to write before all this side tracking drama popped up. I wanted to talk about my children. That’s what this is all about right? What’s best for my children.
When we decided to move to this property and build a homestead we wanted the children to grow roots. A place we could settle a bit and feel secure. Having rented for so long, being on other peoples terms, we wanted some of the flexibility and freedom that comes with land ownership. We knew even on a tight budget we could afford the land payment. When we moved to the homestead we knew it was a lot of work. We discussed the pros and cons with the children extensively. Everyone was on board. They were excited. We were building something from nothing. But the children knew, and we knew, once we got the homestead up and running, it would be worth the sacrifices.
For the first 18 months the children stayed positive. They had their eyes on the bigger picture. And I speak specifically for the older ones, because we asked them numerous times if we wanted to try a different path. They wanted this. Not for us, but for them.
Last May it all changed. My children’s spirits were broken. People say it’s dangerous to teach my children to distrust government. We don’t teach them to distrust government, we teach them their rights. The government has taught them to distrust government.
I had hoped that once the children were returned, we could get back to normalcy. And it seemed to be at first. But we kind of hit a wall. Lucas suffered the most, at least that’s how it looked from the outside. Lucas was fearful for a while after he got home. He would hide behind us when the caseworker came. One day we saw one of his foster parents at Walmart. Lucas turned white as a ghost. He cried once we got in the van. Lucas was 3 when he went into foster care. He turned 4 while in care. He was in care for 8 weeks. He was in 5 homes in 8 weeks. One home he was in he was alone, no siblings. The foster parent had him wearing diapers. My heart hurts typing this. They emotionally damaged this precious child. Lucas was a free spirit with no worries. He was confident. Now he’s clingy and whiney. He angry.
But it wasn’t just Lucas, and one day we can talk more about their individual expericemces. But they all suffered. My older children, who know more, have lost a lot of motivation. Last April we made plans to build and grow the homestead. We were supposed to have had the main cabin up and building Jacobs cabin. We should have had a lot more done here. But the truth is, we don’t feel safe on our own property. We feel discouraged. Jacob was hesitant to do his garden because he didn’t want to do all that work and just have to walk away from it.
In addition to not feeling secure about home, my children have insecurity about our ability to protect them. One day Joe and Abigail were talking, she stated that she doesn’t think we can protect her. She told him ” they came and took me last year and there was nothing you could do about it”
She’s right. And it breaks her dads heart. Fighting the state is damn near impossible. The more you fight the more they dig their claws in. We never imagined we would still be dealing with this. It’s been 14 months we’ve been fully investigated and still, nothing has been found to warrant those actions. The state has two options, admit they were wrong, or find a way to justify their actions.
Now I know how that makes me feel. And I’m a grown adult,
Now imagine how that makes a 17 year old, or a 13 year old or a 10 year old feel.
In addition to the state, we have a local group who is doing their best to get us to move. They can justify their actions all they want to the public, but again, my children see it from the inside. They know they aren’t being molested, yet they see others making that accusation. They know they aren’t starving, yet they see others making those claims. They know they are intelligent educated children, yet they see others questions if they can even function in society.
Now how do you think my children feel?
Now tell me that all of these people are just doing this to help them?
Ive been criticized for using my children to further my political agenda, or putting my rights before them. This is all for them. Because imagine what those people would have done with my children if I didn’t.
My children have suffered emotional abuse since May 6, 2015 by the very people who claim to be trying to help them. If you want to help them, leave them alone. There is absolutely no justification for this behavior to continue. You are doing far more harm than good. My children know the reality. They know the life we have. They know what goes on in our home. They know how wrong this all was. Whether you take their side or ours, the children know the real story. And it scares them. It scares the crap out of them. Because they know all of this is being done even tho there is no justification for it.
edited to add some after thoughts: my children aren’t hiding under the covers fearful. They have a validated fear. It’s not like they are scared of a boogy man that doesn’t exist. They were ripped from their homes by the government. This actually happened to them. I’m not the one projecting my fears. My chidren are intelligent. They are also involved. These things aren’t happening behind their back. We still have court dates, we still have CPS visits, we still have people hounding us about compost and we have people actually physically harassing our work and home. My children see all of this. And while we are working as a family to heal, the continuous threats are what put my children on edge. This isn’t our doing, tho some would say it is. That’s kind of my point. They see the behind the scenes and that’s why they are fearful. They won’t fully heal till the threats are gone.
***Editing this blog to address a few things. My children do not read every word the trolls write. I certainly don’t let them see everything. But my children aren’t ignorant and they certainly aren’t sheltered. Two of my children are admins on the FB page. It’s a family page. They see the people who drive by taking photos. We have had family meetings about the threats. My children understand what’s going on around them.
But they are also involved. It’s their life. They have been interviewed by case workers and such. Jacob and Quinten saw Alex on TV. How can people expect them not to know?
I also want to add that we are working with the children. We are a very close family and as I’ve said before, we have very open conversations. My children are building their confidence and we are working on keeping on track with our plans. But again, they know the reality. They know that if things continue on the path they seem to go, every day will be some new accusation and we will be dragged through court once again to defend our lifestyle. I cannot prevent them from knowing about this. We do our best to stay positive. But remember. My children know there was no reason they should have been taken last year, and they were. They know there is no reason to be taken now. But they are also aware of those who are trying desperately to have us removed from our home. They are trying desperately to have our children put back in state custody. I cannot hide that from them. I will not. But we do offer the support they need, as we did last year.
Considering all that was going on, and the effect it did have, I still think my children were/are amazingly strong. But this isn’t a test to see how much pressure they can take before they break. People need to stop trying to fix what’s not broken.